SEVEN TYPES OF PEOPLE YOU MEET INSIDE A LAGOS BUS

By Ogbonnaya Amarachi

Hi guys I'm back again, so I remembered my weekend experience with my fellow passengers and decided to do this post:
seven types of people you meet inside a Lagos bus:

1. THE ANGRY AUNTY
This aunty is always angry and ready for a fight. You mistakenly touch her hand, wahala, you mistakenly breathe, ah, double wahala. Please do not breathe free air while close to her, she will give you a history of how God created the world and the stress it took Him to create that air you are misusing now. You see this type everywhere, danfo, keke, BRT, shuttle. The worst place to meet her is inside a cramped danfo, you will regret the day you were born, she is a fire brand.
Best bet, avoid her, my brother and sister, i repeat, AVOID her else your village people will have victory over you, this aunty is specially sent by your "Village People," when they want to deal with you or treat your fuckup.

2. THE HAPPY UNCLE
You can never go wrong with this uncle, if you enter a bus in anger, forgerrit, huncle will neutralize it,he doesn't get angry, don't bother picking a fight with him, you will appear like the bad person in the bus, everyone will support him. Uncle issa cheerful giver of happiness in the bus, he makes you forget your sorrow by just smiling at you, don't smile too much o, just moderate if not, people will start suspecting you of evil intention. Do not cuss near him, his smile will neutralize the effect
Best bet, just smile mildly too, then when you come down from the bus, you can resume your anger.

3. THE FIGHTER
This person can fight anyborri, even a day old baby, smile at him, fight, cough, she will face you, infact try to live, ah that one na wahala. This person can carry your change matter on his head, conductor too dey fear face na, his own craze is tighter than the touts on the road. It doesn't matter that he/she is on suit, you don't wanna try, else, when he tears his clothes, hmm...
Best bet: Use them when the conductor tries to shortchange you, then just go and sleep, they will fight your battle to the last, justice for all.

4. THE FUNNY MAN
With this man by your side, you cant stop laughing throughout the journey, even if the conductor doesn't give you change, you are fulfilled, infact, you have made it in life, you cant cry, you will just laugh, even if its one thousand naira change in this Buhari economy. This man can wake a dead man up with his jokes, the market woman who is tired will keep on laughing and forget her bustop, then all too soon, realize and happily get down to start her,"Leggedis Benz" trip back to her bustop. The man on suit will forget that his armpit area is dark brown and his jacket isn't covering it because he is laughing and if you ask people why they are laughing, they don't even know because the man is good at his game. The worse part you ask me, is when you are laughing and the owners of your money take it and you discover its not there, you keep laughing, even if its laugh of tears.
Best bet, keep laughing brothers and sisters, even if the man eventually swindles you all, he is only joking na.

5. THE PREACHER
Ah these ones are everywhere in Lagos, whether you are going to Magbon or Lekki, God is God both on the mainland and Island right? The doom preachers, the threatening preachers, those who threaten you will die if you do not give to their ministry, those who say, "If you like vote from now till forever,Nigeria will never be better because we are in the end time." Those who plead for financial assistance, those who command for ministry assistance, those who collect and do not collect, we meet them on a regular basis, at least I do on a daily basis.
Best bet, listen and when you can help.

6. THE TALKATIVE
This one can talk from the beginning of the journey to the end nonstop, not even to drink water to refuel their throats, I wonder how they do it.Its as if there is a rechargeable battery in their throat that recharges it. If you sit down close to these type, just sleep, even if you pass your bustop, you cant vex, or come down before your bustop and trek the remaining one on your leggedis Benz, its safer and risk free. They can tell you your life history, if they have run out of things to say, but can they ever run out of things to say? These ones can be used for marketing medicine inside buses, they will sell, you will just patronize them so they can just shut up, my brother, please don't be offended, their umbilical cords were used to sow offerings for microphones and other speaking equipments, emabinu.
Best bet, just sit on the roof of the vehicle, after all the bible says, "It is better to sit on the roof, than be with a ..."

7. THE BODY ODOR DISTRIBUTOR
Ah, I rest my case. My brother, you are finished if you sit with this kind of person. There are different types of BO (body odor); Bread and groundnut type, this type smells like expired Agege bread and rotten groundnut, Hausa perfume, my sister you know na, gutter perfume, ha, just go and buy a new body. This type of smell can be gotten from those that have not seen a bathroom in their lives, maybe they live in a cave somewhere on the Island of Dustbin, this is a mixture of dustbin and gutter, I repeat, just go and buy a new body.
Best bet, just go and buy a new body pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee. God help you.

If you have more to add, you can comment on the comment section below.

Stay safe fam.