TYPES OF PEOPLE AT AUDITIONS

Written by Amarachi Ogbonnaya

Auditions in Nigeria can be tasking, movies, presenting auditions, reality shows, music, you name it.
Nigerians want to, "hammer," be popular and "blow."

As a confirmed, "Waka waka" I can tell you for free that I have been in almost all and seen them all. The different kinds of people that I meet at auditions make the stress worthwhile, sometimes.

There are the crazy ones;
These ones are just, "razz." Straight off "Aba," no offence to my Aba people though. They don't mind displaying anywhere, if you "do anyhow, you go see anyhow." One time, I went for a movie audition and this lady walked in looking normal, while we were still on queue, someone tried to stand in front of her, that was when Aunty's village people hit the drum and she started displaying, it wasn't funny at all, I kid you not. But it was interesting to watch, it lit up the dry place. You can also see such people at movie and music auditions, best thing to do is, avoid them if you can.

Cross section of people at the BBnaija audition

The Mgbekes: these ones come trying to look funky and it is always a delight to watch especially when you are bored, others times, its annoying. I have experienced a lot of these people, they are everywhere, movie, music, reality show, activations, ushering auditions. I went for an audition one day in Abuja and we were told to catwalk, chai, this particular sister was just hilarious, she actually dogwalked. I cant explain it, the way she was shaking like a live chicken about to be slaughtered got us all rolling with laughter. Another time, I was at a movie audition and this lady walked in wearing this hideous gown with sneakers, she succeeded in making us turn towards her twice, first was to acknowledge her presence and second was to make sure what we saw was real. I have seen so many of these that I lost count, you see the mgbekes looking funky, the, "I must dress to belong sisters," the "Nigga yos," the, "My sister borrowed me this and I must return it in one piece" kinda people and its not only the ladies that are in this, the guys are not left out o.

The Ajebos: Aha, this is very important and it doesn't apply to only ladies, but ladies do it more sha. Those ones can form for Africa Ehn. I went for a TV commercial job, the money wasnt much though, yet some people were still forming on top and I was just shocked. Sometime ago at an audition, this aunty was just complaining that the sun was too much and went to sit down in her friend's car, her friend brought water for her, she rejected it that if it wasn't Eva she can't drink, that other bottle waters were contaminated, she just went on rambling about how Nigeria was not good for her. We, the Nigerians that were there was just looking at her somehow.
Another time, this guy was just forming ajebo upandan until he went to toast someone's babe, the other guy waited for him to finish auditioning, he made sure he sent his babe home and he and his friends went to waylay uncle foné, they beat him that day sha, I felt sorry for him.

The dry comedians: These ones want to be funny by all means, but most times, they aren't. I went for an audition sometime this year and this dude was trying hard to be funny and no one was laughing, he just turned to one lady and tried to shade her, but he picked the wrong one, didn't know this lady had been low key waiting to strike, she said, with your jokes as dry as you, everyone started laughing because truly, dude was dry, body wise. He just kept kwayet.

The Wannabes: these set of people are the type that give meaning to the saying, fake it till you make it.
you see them in all kinds of auditions. I went for an Africa magic audition in Abuja and when it was time to submit headshot pictures, these guys brought out over polished pictures looking like Ramsey Noah and Majid Michael, in real life, they didn't look as fair and as fine. You see the sisters that want to look like poular actresses and even talk like them, you will be wondering if you are in the same room with these stars, or is it the ones that will be forcing accent, that was how one was trying to speak British English, she sounded like an Indian learning English for the first time. I met another, in her mind she was speaking American English, but we could hear Igbo English.

One day at a tv commercial audition I went for, one aunty sat beside me complaining that they were wasting time, that wasn't how it was done abroad, I and the other ladies looked at ourselves and smiled, me wey never go the abroad before, how I wan know how dem take dey do am there? Toh, she continued ranting that she was going home, she couldn't take it anymore. Someone now asked her if she was going to the island so they could share uber, guess what sister said? Drum roll... "I don't do uber, my driver is coming to pick me."
Well, I went in and did my audition and set for home. I was in the bus when I saw this sister trekking under hot sun and the place I saw her was quite far from the audition venue, meaning she had been trekking for long, me, I just brought out my head shouted her name, she turned and when she saw me, she tried to turn her face, I asked her if her driver didn't come again and waved. I can be naughty sha.

Those whose mouths fear toothpaste: I have lost count of the times I encountered these set of people. I spoke with one one time, my voice got lost in the struggle to fight the stench, I got into the judges room unable to speak for two seconds, it wasn't funny, I was almost sent out but my guardian angel didn't allow it.

People during an audition

Oh, please share your own in the comment section.